


A Day in the Life of my Human, Hilda the Plus-Sized Pin-Up

by BardicRaven



Category: Hilda the Plus-Size Pin-up Series - Duane Bryers
Genre: Animal POV, Dogs Know Best, Fluff, Gen, Humans Are Weird, Pin-Up Life, Slice of Life, first person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21953488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardicRaven/pseuds/BardicRaven
Summary: The story of a day in the life, told by the little white dog.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 13
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	A Day in the Life of my Human, Hilda the Plus-Sized Pin-Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).



# 7a (or at least that’s the squiggle the black thing on the clock is pointing to. Wake up!!!)

I jump up on my human’s bed and start licking her face. She makes noises and tries to push me away, but I keep going. I need to go out! Below me, on the floor, my brown and white packmate waits patiently for me to get our human up. The cat looks at me from her pillow and opens their mouth to show me just what they think of such antics. I ignore her – I have urgent business with my human and the mere preferences of a cat are not going to interfere with that.

Eventually, she wakes up, throws on one of the human not-fur coverings they have instead of proper furr and stumbles downstairs to let me and my packmate out. I run ahead of her, sniffing all the sniffs. After all, it’s been since last night since I sniffed them last. Who KNOWS what’s been going on in the meantime?

While I’m busy investigating all the changes in the packlands since last night, my packmate goes in such of their own sniffs. We like different things, so we each go in search of our own things. We’ll tell each other later what we’ve found.

I try to tell our human about what I discover, but as usual, she doesn’t understand me. I mean, she understands a lot, for a human, but I wish I could share what I find with her. I think she’d learn a lot.

After I’m finished sniffing and renewing my marks on my territory, and so is my packmate, we go back inside, where my human yawns and puts my kibble first in my bowl, then in my packmate’s bowl, then makes herself a breakfast of eggs and bacon and toast, which she shares with me, as is my right as a packmember. I get the scraps when the Pack Leader is done. That’s how a pack works, and for all she doesn’t have fur and walks on two legs instead of four, and puts herself in WATER to bathe, if you can believe it, instead of using her tongue like a sensible creature, she’s a member of my pack. Not only a member, but the Pack Leader.

* * *

# 8a (the new squiggle the black thing points to & feeding the Prey Fowl)

We all go back outside and our human goes to where the Prey Fowl live in their little houses. She puts this thing up to her mouth and blows. It makes a noise and all the Prey Fowl come running, as they know this noise means food. She feeds the Large Prey Fowl first. I’m not allowed to hunt them, even tho’ they smell like they could be quite tasty. And they smell sort of like some of the scraps I get later in the day. But to be honest, these ones scare me. They are so big and they hiss menacingly, striking out with their sharp-noses at the end of those long-long necks. So I leave them alone, tho’ I can’t help myself from chasing them every now and again. They may have long necks, but I have fast feet and four of them, so I always win the race.

After that, she takes care of the Small Prey Fowl. These are a real challenge for me not to hunt. They aren’t as large & scary as the Large Prey Fowl and they smell very much like some of the scraps I get. But my human has told me ‘NO!’ with a loud voice and a scent that tells me she means it, so I force myself to leave them be, tho’ I have to admit, I chase them too, with even more luck and a lot less hissing.

Once the Prey Fowl are taken care of, she feeds the Grunting One and cleans out their pen and then she feeds the Horned One, who waves his head at me like he always does, and his females, who dart at me and then shrink back behind the Horned One. They always watch me very carefully while I’m there. I’m not sure why. While I imagine they’d made nice prey, at the same time, I’m not sure that I want to tangle with the Horned One to try. Even with my packmate by my side.

Besides, my human feeds me kibble in my bowl and shares her scraps. Why should I work to hunt something as formidable as the Horned One and his females?

Then it’s time for our human to sit down by the sides of the Horned One’s females and the female Grass Eaters and do something to their underbellies that they both like and don’t like. I’m not really sure what it is, but I do know that somehow, it produces this white liquid that tastes AMAZING! And our human always shares, which is good. It’s also good that the females are all so much more calm and nice after our human has done this thing.

Everybody is happy, which is the best thing of all.

* * *

# 9a (the black thing keeps going around in a circle & this is the next squiggle while our human gets clean with WATER! Silly human!)

After that it’s back inside again, while our human immerses herself in WATER to clean herself. Personally, I LIKE when she smells like all the various animals and I think she makes herself smell worse by scrubbing all that off and then making herself smell like flowers.

Humans are weird. That’s all I’m going to say.

* * *

# 10a (the next squiggle the black thing points to, with some bad news attached)

Our human puts on different not-furr after she gets out of the bath. It doesn’t cover nearly as much as her first not-furr did. I give a little whine in my throat – I know what this means. Our human is going to have a fotografer over with his box-on-sticks and ordering us all around. I don’t really like the fotografer, but our human tells us we have to be nice to him, that his coming here brings us food.

Another things I don’t really understand about humans.

* * *

# 11a (the next squiggle & the other humans arrive)

The fotografer is here, along with the other human, the ilustrater. Our human has shown us some of what they’ve done with what they get here, but I don’t understand it. It kind of looks like our human but it doesn’t smell at all like her. Are they really fooled by this?

Again, humans are weird.

* * *

# 12a -5p (where the squiggle is when we leave & where it is when we return)

The fotografer had us out doing all kinds of things along with our human. First, our human picked a bunch of flowers and sat on a stump outside while she made these long strings of them, which she then draped on her body, disguising some of the little bits of not-furr that she was wearing.

Then she went and got on her Wheeled Thing and rode it around while the fotografer and the ilustrater did their things.

Then she walked the Packlands Human Boundary. You see, humans’ noses are broken, so to mark their packlands they have to build these long strings of wood and metal-stuff and put them where the boundaries are. Personally, I think hiking a leg is EVER so much easier, but as usual, humans are too silly to ask their dogs for advice.

Then they had her stand on one of the sticks holding up the long strings of metal-stuff to look inside a tree. There is a squirrel there and I bark to let them know that they need to leave our human alone – there’s a dog on patrol. They chitter back, but leave her alone, which is what I care about for now. Later, after the fotografer and the illustrater have gone, I might just come back and chase that squirrel, teach it to respect a dog.

For now, tho’, there is work.

* * *

# 5p (the squiggles have changed a lot & so have we)

Back at the den, we all go inside, even the fotografer and the ilustrater. I thought we were done, but apparently not, as they want more pictures of our human, cleaning herself with WATER and then putting on another not-furr, this one sort of in-between the first and the second in terms of covering her skin.

The flowers are draped around the water and look kind of pretty. The scents are beginning to fade tho’ and I know the flowers are just about done.

I hope that we are too – I’m getting hungry!

* * *

# 7p (the squiggles move on into the evening & so do we)

Finally, the other humans have left! Our human puts kibble in our bowls even before she starts to cook her food. She smells tired. I hope that we can all go to sleep soon.

* * *

# 8p (the final squiggle of this day)

And we do! Our human sits in one of those chair-things for a little bit, looking at one of those squiggles on wood-stuff for a few minutes, but I can tell that she isn’t really doing whatever she normally does with it.

In a few minutes, she puts it aside. “Come on boys, it’s time to go up to bed.”

And so we do. I curl up next to her head, while my packmate curls up at her feet, which is the proper place for a dog that is not the First Dog of a pack.

We all go to sleep. Who knows what tomorrow may bring?


End file.
